Not Herself Anymore

Mama Mama

She once considered herself successful, social, sexy, and even unafraid. The memories from those days are hazy, as time has played it’s part and so much has changed since then.

Life’s beautiful intervention, only God knew she needed, included two bundles of love who call her “Mama.” They are wild, and test her every limit and stretch her patience thin and challenge her every single day.

They bring her the greatest of happiness.

They bring her to tears.

They excite her.

They scare her.

They bring out the best and the worst in her.

Every ounce of thought, prayer, concern, and good wishes are for them. All her energy is focused on them. They need her. Constantly.

It’s exhausting sometimes.

There are times the days just seem to mesh together in one long jumble of never-ending hours where she finds herself in a darkness she can’t escape. During these times, she doesn’t get much time for herself and she questions who she is anymore. Where has she gone?! 

Her time isn’t hers.

Her body isn’t hers.

Her focus isn’t hers.

Hell! Her bed isn’t hers. 

And on those days of darkness, where there is no end or rest in sight, she will remember:

They give her a purpose and responsibility so true, she could never deny.

She’s not herself anymore.
She’s something more.

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Lord, I pray you help guide me through my darkest moments to remember my strengths, and to find peace with you. When my littles seem impossible, I will count my blessings. When days have gone and I haven’t had time for me alone, I will remember my children are being molded by me, and to stay positive. Amen. 

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