Not Herself Anymore

Mama Mama

She once considered herself successful, social, sexy, and even unafraid. The memories from those days are hazy, as time has played it’s part and so much has changed since then.

Life’s beautiful intervention, only God knew she needed, included two bundles of love who call her “Mama.” They are wild, and test her every limit and stretch her patience thin and challenge her every single day.

They bring her the greatest of happiness.

They bring her to tears.

They excite her.

They scare her.

They bring out the best and the worst in her.

Every ounce of thought, prayer, concern, and good wishes are for them. All her energy is focused on them. They need her. Constantly.

It’s exhausting sometimes.

There are times the days just seem to mesh together in one long jumble of never-ending hours where she finds herself in a darkness she can’t escape. During these times, she doesn’t get much time for herself and she questions who she is anymore. Where has she gone?! 

Her time isn’t hers.

Her body isn’t hers.

Her focus isn’t hers.

Hell! Her bed isn’t hers. 

And on those days of darkness, where there is no end or rest in sight, she will remember:

They give her a purpose and responsibility so true, she could never deny.

She’s not herself anymore.
She’s something more.


Lord, I pray you help guide me through my darkest moments to remember my strengths, and to find peace with you. When my littles seem impossible, I will count my blessings. When days have gone and I haven’t had time for me alone, I will remember my children are being molded by me, and to stay positive. Amen. 


Impatiently Praying for Patience.

Mama Mama


As long as I can remember, I have been an impatient person. Maybe that’s why I also have issues with control, I figure if I can control the situation I won’t have to worry about my impatience.

Who knows.

However, today, I sit here munching on banana chips and yogurt, with my black coffee, while my babes sleep. Normally right now I would be impatiently praying for patience as I shuffle every to-do through my over-active mind as I grow anxious, wanting to feel more productive with my day.

There are so many projects that need done! Our house still has shag carpet to be pulled, brush to be cleared, and literally months of work.

Normally right now, I would be texting my husband about how stressed I am about everything we have yet to check off our list. I can really be a hot-mess these days, and my impatience is my favorite fault to dangle by.

You see, besides adjusting to trailer living, diy construction, and living in another town, there has been a lot of bad news in our family and hometown lately. I have donated my share of tears, and I have felt what my impatience has brought to my family. It’s not a good feeling when you know you are in the wrong and the only thing I can think to do today is pray.

Today, I pray for patience tomorrow, because today, I am holding my babies a little longer, I am loving them a little harder, and I am okay with that because life is so short and we truly never know what tomorrow will bring.

Besides a never-ending list of chores, I know for certain it will bring that.

Stay-at-Home Mama Routine

Mama Mama

Every morning is basically the same. I wake up with my husband in order to get his lunch packed for his day at work, and usually, one or both of our littles are awake at the same time or shortly after, so I feed them, and try to comfort them if they are grouchy. (both happen to not enjoy waking up)

After the occasional melt-down because our oldest has changed his mind about what he wants to eat ten times, we settle, chow down, (my coffee is now cold and I’m re-heating it for the first time today) and have what little family time we can before daddy goes to work.

Then it’s off to the potty for Parker, he’s almost 3 and WILL NOT potty train! He poops in the potty, but pees his diaper, but I know if we didn’t insist on him sitting on the toilet it would all end up in his diaper. He just doesn’t care to be messy! We keep a few books on the back of the toilet for Parker, his favorite is a cardboard book of the United States, and he usually insists I sing the “50 Nifty United States” song along as he flips the pages. Avaley is probably crawling around the bathroom floor, playing with bath toys, or curled up in my lap being clingy. Parker says “bye-bye poop” and we get dressed for the day.

Depending on if I’m feeding Ava bottle or not, we curl up and put educational cartoons on. Parker and I both like Wild Kratts and their creature powers.

Parker loves his school books, so I have a stock pile of pages I’ve copied and he will sit for quite a while working on his tracing, his letters, coloring, and his scissor technique. It’s very rewarding seeing him enjoy learning, and though at times my hands are full with his baby sister, I still make sure to help when he asks because we’ve been making “school” work fun for him for a couple years, and I would hate to discourage that.

During this time I will try to throw a load of laundry in and take food out of the freezer for that nights dinner. If Parker and Ava are not playing together, I am carrying Ava with me around the house.

By 9:30 or 10:00 am we are all hungry again so I make eggs. We all love eggs for our second breakfast. (I also re-heat my coffee again at this time.)

By 11:00 I am praying the kids will both take a nap together, however, most days, that is not the case. Ava will sometimes take a morning nap so her afternoon nap is thrown off. I don’t attempt to snuggle them both until Parker shows me he’s getting sleepy. He gets irritable, and starts getting wobbly. Then, the real give away to when he’s ready for a nap is when he yells at me “I’m not sleepy!” 

Here at my father-in-laws house we can all fit in the recliner, so on one side I have Parker, squished right next to me, and on my lap on the other side I have Ava. We cover up, read a couple books, then I put a t.v. show on that I hope won’t keep Parker too interested. When they fall asleep and my butt is numb, I somehow make my way up and out of the chair, and only sometimes successfully keep them both asleep. IF they both stay asleep, I get a little time for myself. To study, finish chores, or get a shower in.

We have found that if we allow Parker to nap much later than 2:00 pm he will be a hassle at bed time. So when 2:00 comes around, I wake him if he hasn’t woke up himself. We have a snack, and depending on the weather, go to the beach, or the park, or for a walk in Bob. I love our double stroller!  On the days when the kids can’t be tamed, we go for a walk, and magically, everyone is happy again. Fresh air is my savior!

Depending on what day it is and how late Javin works, I start dinner and let the kids play/destroy the kitchen just so I can cook. Parker will drive cars up my legs with loud “vroooms!” and again, Ava probably found her way into my arms.

When I hear the dogs race to the door it means Daddy is home and Mommy can pour a glass of organic cabernet, if I haven’t already.

After dinner time, it’s daddy time. Then we get the kiddos into the bathroom, on the potty again for Mr. Parker, and into the bath. The two of them play so well together in the bath, so the majority of pictures and videos on my phone are taken at this time. Ava usually tries to crawl out of the bath way before Parker is done, so we lotion, and put jammies on and after 15 time warnings, Parker still doesn’t want to put his toys up, even after we have drained all his water. This usually encourages a struggle between Mean Mommy and Persistent Parker.

My favorite time of the day…snuggle and bed time. Javin is the best daddy in the world and reads and prays with Parker almost nightly while I get Ava down. We co-sleep, so usually Javin and I go to bed the same time as the kids do…hopefully by 9:00 pm. We would have been doing things a little different if we had been in our own house, but right now, all four of us share a bedroom, and while Ava was nursing, this was the easiest routine. And it stuck.

Avaley still wakes up once usually in the middle of the night, sometimes after a couple somersaults, head bangs, and karate kicks she falls back asleep. Other times we get up to make her a bottle to comfort her.

Come 6:00 am we do it all over again.

To sum it up:

6:00 am-wake up/eat breakfast/prepare for the day
7:00 am-potty time
10:00 am-second breakfast
12:00 pm-nap time
2:00 pm-wake-up from nap/play outside/get energy out
5:00 pm-dinner time
7:00 pm-daddy time
8:00 pm-bath time
9:00 pm-story/prayers/bedtime

Each day does vary a little. Sometimes we walk in the morning. And in the summertime, we spent a lot more time outside.

It’s been a challenging year because we haven’t been living in our own house. Normally I would not stress too much about a messy home because it’s nearly impossible to keep every thing 100% tidy when you have a baby and a toddler…but living with my husband’s dad has added the extra stress to keep things a bit more tidy than I would worry about out of respect for him. Dishes…that is a chore in it’s own EVERY. SINGLE. DAY! I cook healthy meals, which makes a dirty kitchen, and this house doesn’t have a dishwasher. Luckily, I have a little helper that just loves playing in the bubbles which can either make things much easier or it can give me much more work to do.

Also, a time-saver: each week I try to only run errands a couple times because loading the kids up (especially in the winter weather) is a job in it’s own.

So, for all those stay-at-home mamas out there…what is your schedule like? Do you have any tricks and cheats you’d like to share?!





Mama Mama


1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything
–To be passionate, is one of God’s greatest gifts. I do, however, believe that I am one of those unfortunately lucky individuals blessed with an overwhelming scope of things and reasons to feel passionately about, and that at times makes life a bit chaotic.
–Good thing I thrive on chaos.
–As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to dabble in so many areas of life. I could never settle in to one field of work, or one more goal or one project without wanting to begin another as well. I am that person who always has the best intentions and greatest ideas but tends to want to take on more than I should at once. I can’t help it. I just get so excited so easily about things that “set my soul on fire”.
–Nearly 10 years ago I entered the fitness world as a personal trainer, and have been content there ever since. The wonderful thing about being a part of the fitness industry is that it is ever-growing and always adapting. However, I have experienced numerous life-changing events as of late, and my passion I once had for training has faded, and I know it’s time I need a change. There were a number of factors, but all-in-all I have decided that personal training isn’t going to be what I want to be known for anymore. Of course, I will still train. My husband and I both have a love for staying in shape, and we need to continue to keep up with our two young children. I am only just beginning to teach them to live fit lives.
–As for clients, I am not sure where that road will lead me. 
–There is so much more I want to learn, and share, and encourage others about.
–We have been in the process of buying our first house, and it has been a loooong process. The home we found to be ours is on eight acres and will give our family the opportunities we have been praying for. Our children will learn to garden organically, raise chickens, explore, and hopefully find passion of their own as they grow. I will be homeschooling through a faith-based program, and stocking up our pantry with home-canned foods. We will continue to utilize natural remedies as well as keeping our home clean with products we can trust around our children. ALL of these things is what I want “Fit&Natural Mama” to be about. ALL of these things set my soul on fire.